my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She bit a glass in half.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
