EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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