$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
