No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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