look no pants
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
