She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
