im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is wine microwaveable?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
