Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
