dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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