I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So apparently I’m into choking now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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