I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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