I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize