I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
