I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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