Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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