So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
