Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
