Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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