Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
