Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
