Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
