hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
