I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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