Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Alive.
So much puke
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
