this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
