I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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