somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
