I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
