there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
