That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
