was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I party with great urgency now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
