He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
