There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
