I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
