Your tits are I can't wait for
literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
