That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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