All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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