I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
