Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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