We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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