You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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