When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
