Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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