I'm going to jail i love you
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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