Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
did you just send me my own nude
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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