hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
