Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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