If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
