I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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