He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize