You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
