Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
