i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
