You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
