I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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