When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
