Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
