we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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