her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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