I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sober January is a disaster.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
