He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
