My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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