$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize