So many bounce houses so little time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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