just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
