Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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