I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize