I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
