It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We have so much sex to catch up on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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