I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
