I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
