can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
