I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
