I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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