is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
