i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
