I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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