i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
