shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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