i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Shame - the story of my life.
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