dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
