I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
