let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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