walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize