We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
