can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
