Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
