Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
