omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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