and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize