i already hear my dad disowning me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
