if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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