And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
