do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
