Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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