like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
