There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
