Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize