The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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