I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
