So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The power of my boobs compel you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
