i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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